Here’s who I am and what I’m working on in 2021!
I’m a perpetual student.
My absolute best teachers are my children, my amazing husband, my parents, and every single one of my clients.
I remember the day I saw my very first client in January of 1988. She was a little first-grader with wild curly hair and more energy than I had ever witnessed in a single human being before. Her parents were getting divorced, so she came to draw pictures with me (the school social work intern) during her lunch break.
I don’t even remember her name, but…
Are you talking about me behind my back?
Am I paranoid and self-absorbed? I can’t help wondering if there’s a little edge to your voice. It feels like you’re distancing yourself, but it’s hard to know for sure.
I suppose I could ask you, but I don’t think we’re close enough to have that kind of conversation.
I believe in this concept and do my best to live by it even though I constantly fall short. As a Quaker, I believe that God is within each and every one of us. …
I arrived at work 20 minutes early, hoping to get some paperwork done, return emails, and have a third cup of coffee. My office is a hot mess littered with piles of paperwork that I’ve been planning to sort through “once Covid is over,” whatever that means.
But instead, I curled up on the floor and cried.
Isn’t it funny how tears don’t ask for permission to run down your cheeks? They didn’t get the “me too” memo. They touch me when and where I don’t want to be touched. I didn’t ask for this.
Damn it. I was going…
You know that feeling of freedom when your relationship is going well? Your mind is at rest, and you feel comfortable in your own skin and happy just to be together.
Giving up is often the thing that brings you the joy you deserve.
A happy relationship is void of self-doubt and worry. You and your sweetie pie both know you are worthy of the love you have found.
Sometimes we grip tightly to things in an effort to hold on to our beautiful treasures. This is a mistake when it comes to matters of the heart. …
When my couples therapy clients come to me for their assessment, their worst fear is that I’m going to tell them their relationship is doomed.
This is never true.
First off, I am much more diplomatic than that. But even more importantly, it’s up to you, not me, whether or not your relationship is doomed. If you and your partner love and respect one another, and there is no physical or emotional abuse, you can make some changes to make things better.
If you came to me for help, I’d ask you 80 minutes worth of questions, and then I’d…
Do you remember Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages? It was originally published in 1992 but today is still ranked #1 on Amazon in 3 categories (love, marriage, and relationships).
I grabbed it off the shelf yesterday and started re-reading.
Chapman puts forth the concept that falling in love is only a fleeting, split-second experience. This brief limerence and not enough for a sustained long-term partnership. All humans need is to be known and loved day after day, month after month, decade after decade.
Chapman provides us with a very concrete and practical way to achieve that deeper love…
Carson: “I can’t believe we’re having this fight again.”
Jamie: “Seriously. All you have to do is talk to me respectfully and we wouldn’t be wasting yet another gorgeous Sunday afternoon fighting.”
Carson: “What? You’re blaming me for this? How on earth am I supposed to respond when you accuse me of disrespecting me? Do you think I’d even be here if I didn’t respect you?”
Jamie: “Funny you bring this up because sometimes I wonder if you even want to be here at all.”
Carson: “Oh my God, this conversation is going around in circles. …
Great communication, intimacy, trust, and commitment are all roads that lead back to the same goal: to enjoy a lifetime adventure together.
A successful relationship isn’t the absence of pain; it’s the presence of joy. So often, people with the best intentions understand that “relationships are hard work,” and they work so hard that they forget to make time for hopes, dreams, play, and just plain fun.
“Making Life Dreams Come True” is one of the core elements that leads to long-term relationship success according to the research of Dr. John Gottman and his team. Couples who honor one another’s…
Romeo and Juliet messed up a perfectly awesome romance with a violently tragic communication breakdown. This misunderstanding was preventable.
Most misunderstandings are.
Love makes people stupid.
People do stupid things when they are in love. They can function perfectly fine in all other areas of their lives and then become bumbling fools who impulsively take poison before double-checking to make sure that is really the best solution to the problem.
William Shakespeare, and the kick-ass women who (allegedly) helped him, understood human relationships.
That’s why his work inspires us and brings us to tears and laughter. He shines a spotlight…
Intimacy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Humans hurt other humans every single day, even though they’re trying not to.
The closer we are to another person, the more hurt we feel when they let us down. Whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a romantic partner, the pain is real.
Let’s say, for example, you fell in love, and that relationship ended horribly. You felt betrayed, exposed, and tricked. You trusted that person with secrets no one else knew.
When it ended, you couldn’t undo any of it. You couldn’t take back the words you said or…