Here’s who I am and what I’m working on in 2021!
I’m a perpetual student.
My absolute best teachers are my children, my amazing husband, my parents, and every single one of my clients.
I remember the day I saw my very first client in January of 1988. She was a little first-grader with wild curly hair and more energy than I had ever witnessed in a single human being before. Her parents were getting divorced, so she came to draw pictures with me (the school social work intern) during her lunch break.
I don’t even remember her name, but…
Being a therapist is the best job in the entire world.
I absolutely love my work. This surprises many people as they assume that listening to other people’s problems is a negative experience for the therapist. They believe perhaps that we are working out of altruism.
For me, the truth is that the therapeutic work nourishes me, and I benefit from the clinical relationship just as much as my clients.
It takes raw vulnerability and courage to sit down on the couch and put your heart on a platter. …
“Don’t get so emotional!”
“Excuse me for actually caring! How can you sit just sit there looking at me like some kind of robot?”
“At least one of us is able to stay calm.”
All couples argue. (But some can solve problems and make joint decisions anyway.)
Many people think there is a right way and a wrong way to manage conflict. This becomes increasingly problematic because it leads to conflict conflict (i.e., fighting about the right and wrong way to fight).
This happens with such frequency because everyone comes to a conversation with preconceived ideas about the best way…
Admit the egg on your face.
Please don’t make the same mistake I did twenty-five years ago. I‘m still embarrassed all these years later, but it helps me remember this crucial life lesson.
It was my dream job come true. I was young and wanted to prove that I belonged. All those years of school and entry-level jobs had paid off. Now all I needed to do was fill the uncomfortable shoes I wasn’t used to wearing and show them that they had not made a mistake by hiring me.
Things were going pretty well. I was about a month…
Why is it that you always feel like you’re the only one working on your relationship?
You don’t want a mediocre relationship; you want a stellar one. You want to live a long, happy life together. One where you support, challenge, and cherish one another, have great sex, and lots of fun.
It’s terrifying when you don’t see your partner working to make things better. It’s hard not to wonder if they care as much as you do.
Serena Williams is, without question, one of the best tennis players of all time. She is a role model for all of…
When people first hear the word commitment, they often think of it in terms of vows said in front of a room full of people.
But in fact, commitment is a very private thing.
Somewhere along the way, there is an acknowledgment when two people basically say to one another, “you’re my person, and I want to be your person.” And it’s irrelevant what anyone else thinks. Those two people get to co-create the relationship that they want to be in.
Happy couples don’t just say “I do” once; they find a way to reinforce it to one another daily.
“…divided we fall. Let us not split into factions which must destroy that union...” ~Patrick Henry 1799
Division was just as dangerous back then as it is now, and I’m not sure we’re any closer.
I was born in the United States many, many years ago. My parents were marching with the great Dr. King just a few months before I was born. Today, all these years later, I am deeply saddened as I sit back and watch my Black and Brown brothers and sisters murdered. I see them die through the screen of my laptop.
Listening to the news…
“Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” ~Yogi Berra
Was he a malaprop or a genius?
I say the latter. Real-life is never 50/50.
I’m sure you’ve heard many people say that life isn’t fair. It isn’t fair if you measure it with fractions and percentages. There will always be people with more than you and always people with less. At first glance, it appears you have to put in more than you get out.
But the paradox presents itself when you stop expecting it to be fair. It’s magic. As soon as you stop checking in to…
Time to Marie Kondo your relationship!
This time of year is often about de-cluttering and getting ready for a new season-opening windows, deep cleaning, and getting rid of stuff you don’t like very much.
I just got back from a short vacation. Our cat was not very pleased about it. I know this because he threw up on our entrance-way area rug, punishing my poor 13-year-old cat-sitting neighbor :(
But it sure did feel good to throw the rug away. …
I love it when people tell me what to do.
I miss the days when I was a student, and my teachers told me exactly what their expectations were. I didn’t always get straight A’s, but I knew what I needed to do if I wanted to.
So now that I have to find my own teachers, I use Medium to find people to tell me what to do. The writers on here are top-notch, and it’s beginning to replace Google for me when I’m looking for advice.
So a month ago, I type the following query into the subject…