“Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” ~Yogi Berra

Was he a malaprop or a genius?

I say the latter. Real-life is never 50/50.

I’m sure you’ve heard many people say that life isn’t fair. It isn’t fair if you measure it with fractions and percentages. There will always be people with more than you and always people with less. At first glance, it appears you have to put in more than you get out.

But the paradox presents itself when you stop expecting it to be fair. It’s magic. As soon as you stop checking in to…

Time to Marie Kondo your relationship!

This time of year is often about de-cluttering and getting ready for a new season-opening windows, deep cleaning, and getting rid of stuff you don’t like very much.

I just got back from a short vacation. Our cat was not very pleased about it. I know this because he threw up on our entrance-way area rug, punishing my poor 13-year-old cat-sitting neighbor :(

But it sure did feel good to throw the rug away. …

I love it when people tell me what to do.

I miss the days when I was a student, and my teachers told me exactly what their expectations were. I didn’t always get straight A’s, but I knew what I needed to do if I wanted to.

So now that I have to find my own teachers, I use Medium to find people to tell me what to do. The writers on here are top-notch, and it’s beginning to replace Google for me when I’m looking for advice.

So a month ago, I type the following query into the subject…

Did you know that approximately 10 million people google the word “narcissist” every single month? (Even though the latest statistics show that .5–1% of the population meets criteria for the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.)

The word is everywhere.

WARNING: 5 Signs You Are In Love with a Narcissist
How to Spot Malignant Narcissism (And run)
Are You Dating a Narcissist? Take this 5-minute quiz to find out

And suppose you click into some of these posts. You’ll notice that the word Narcissist is rarely mentioned as a serious mental health condition, but rather as an adjective, synonymous with “selfish,”…

Did you know that 10 million people Google the word “narcissist” every month? And .5% of the general population meets diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

I know because I looked it up. I have been curious as to why I see blogs and articles about narcissism all over the internet. Even when I’m looking for a new hair gel or pair of jeans, there are warning articles about narcissistic abuse and how-to articles about saving yourself from a narcissist.

As a mental health professional who has been in the field since 1988, this is causing me tremendous concern…

My aunt murdered my 87-year-old grandmother with a hammer sixteen years ago.

At first, I was told she fell down the stairs, but I knew that wasn’t right. She was a tough hearty New Englander. She was still winning tennis tournaments, hauling her own lobster traps, and living an active albeit eccentric life up until the day she boarded a flight to visit her daughter.

I got the call from my Dad. I was so confused. “Nana fell down the stairs and is in the hospital?”

Silence

“There was an indentation in her skull, consistent with the size and shape…

Prevention and consistency are not sexy.

You daydream about romantic getaways with white sand beaches. And worry about betrayal and abandonment in the wee hours of the morning. But you probably don’t use much of your brain space thinking about what your relationship is like on a normal Tuesday afternoon.

The truth is, relationships rarely end due to drama or trauma.

As a professional couples therapist, I spend forty hours a week helping people save their marriages. …

Avoid The Blame Game

Whether you are talking to your spouse, your boss or your children, one of the most common mistakes is to bring up complaints in a blaming, global manner. Over the course of a relationship, criticisms have a very damaging impact.

Example, “What’s wrong with you? You are always late. You left standing there waiting for you in front of the movie theater for 15 minutes! You have no consideration for anyone else. ”

Solution: Raise issues as isolated events instead of character flaws.

We are much more likely to have a productive conversation when we describe what is happening objectively…