27 Science-Backed Questions to Assess Your Relationship Right Now

Asked by a certified couples therapist.

Image by PIRO4D from Pixabay

When my couples therapy clients come to me for their assessment, their worst fear is that I’m going to tell them their relationship is doomed.

This is never true.

First off, I am much more diplomatic than that. But even more importantly, it’s up to you, not me, whether or not your relationship is doomed. If you and your partner love and respect one another, and there is no physical or emotional abuse, you can make some changes to make things better.

If you came to me for help, I’d ask you 80 minutes worth of questions, and then I’d have you complete 20 pages of questionnaires to give me a sense of the strengths and areas of growth in your relationship.

Obviously, a blog post cannot replace a four-hour intake by a licensed professional, but perhaps it can give you an opportunity to self-reflect and see where you need a little bit of TLC.

Hopefully, you two are doing well and can answer “no” to the large majority of the questions below. Nothing is every always or never true, so just think of each question in terms of how you have felt the last few weeks. It’s normal to feel negative feelings right after an argument, so try to think of your general feelings. Say for example, how would you answer on a normal Tuesday afternoon?

1. Am I beginning to have doubts about this relationship?
2. Are we keeping score about who does more chores?
3. Do we avoid talking about major issues?
4. Am I harboring resentments about past decisions?
5. Do we treat one another with contempt?
6. Am I finding myself negatively comparing my partner to others?
7. Are we forgetting to kiss hello and goodbye?
8. Have we gotten out of the habit of complimenting one another?
9. Do I trust that this relationship is going to last?
10. Am I resistant to make changes for my partner?
11. Do I sometimes dread seeing my partner because I know it’s going to be a fight?
12. Have we stopped making…